It’s Crazy How Things Change! I am so fascinated at my own growth sometimes.
One of my biggest issues is wanting things to go my way. I need to control things, know what was going to happen, have a plan, etc. I would get anxiety or anger over things that I only thought were up to me. Turns out nothing really is LOL !
It is amazing to me how much I Still worry about. Every Damn Day! But I have realized that me wanting to Control the outcome of everything (Relationships, Love, Career, Money, Home, etc…) I have just been stressing my self out to the point where I would get Angry, Depressed and Isolated.
I would put everything and everyones needs before my own because that’s just What I have always done since I was 9. I did not know any other way. I was always responsible for people. For their needs and wants. I always wanted to make sure they Got what they wanted. That I totally forgot to see What I Wanted or Needed.
Which in turn started a vicious cycle of me being angry, depressed and Isolated and a total Control Freak, wanting to Control all things because I was afraid to see what I needed. But what I have found is that I HAD CONTROL of NOTHING, NADA, ZILCH!
I still had my Heart broken many times, I still lost the home my family LOVED, I still became homeless and broke, I still became Fat and Depressed, I still couldn’t stop other people from getting hurt or from being safe. I couldn’t stop all the BAD shit that I was constantly worried about. So I felt like wtf!
So, what’s a girl to do? Stop WORRYING and trying to Control it ALL! I now see that I can not Control the outcome of anything. All I can do is Do my Best, work hard, Love openly, and Pray everyday and leave the Rest to GOD. I know it will all work out exactly how it is meant to. So I will Stop Worrying because I have 5 Beautiful children to raise and a life to live .
Have you ever been a control freak?
What are some tips that have helped you?